‘Love… doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’’…Love puts up with anything… always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.’’

In a building, the foundation bears the weight of the entire structure that rests on it, as well as any future anticipated weight. The Foundation is the underlying structure that supports a building from underneath. Everything rests on the foundation and if well built, the structure stays firm and unmovable.

Just as the foundation of a building is important, so is the foundation of our relationships. The weight or quality of a relationship depends on the foundation it is built on and seeking power or control is not a firm foundation for a relationship. Relationship is not meant for a party to exercise control over the other.
A lot of us grew up in homes where our fathers exercised complete control over our mothers. In such homes for instance, the words of mothers are not taken to heart if they are allowed to speak at all. Or in homes where fathers often beat up their wives saying; ‘How dare you talk? Who is in charge here?”

In some homes where the mother is more financially stable than the father, she may begin to exercise some level of control in the name of, “Who pays the bills?’’ Those who grow up with such foundation tend to adopt it in their approach to relationship: seeking control. The truth about seeking control is that it shows you are not truly free.

                                                  Truly free people free others’’

Some think having control or exercising power is how they command respect. But the truth is respect does not spring from having control but from setting people free. It springs from love and to love means to set the soul of another completely free and accept them for who they are, appreciating their uniqueness. True power isn’t power to control people but power to love and set them free. It is fear which manifests itself as insecurity that seeks intimacy through power or control. Love seeks intimacy by complete acceptance. To the level you’re at home with yourself, to that level you’ll understand other people and appreciate them. 
Stephen Covey once said, ‘to touch the soul of another human being is to work on holy ground.’’ As much as you’re a holy ground, so is the other person. Don’t walk on that ground with dirt such as insecurity and control seeking. They don’t deserve it. They entrusted their heart to you, don’t trample on it. Treasure and nurture it. Keep it safe and fulfill their trust. Let your words and actions come from a heart of love and kindness, not from the faulty foundation of seeking control. Live free and don’t be entangled in fear.

Let me reiterate, the place to begin building any relationship is inside ourselves, our own character and completeness. It is from this place we are able to build rich, enduring, secured and highly productive relationship with another. It is when we are truly independent that we can live interdependently without the need for control.

Lots of Love.

About Jemine James


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