Hello there! It’s a new year and this is my first post on this category. I hope you’re already having a great year and you’re looking forward to having quality relationship with your partner. For those who are not yet in a relationship, take your time, not being in one doesn’t make you incomplete. Bask in your singleness and be in love with yourself, living everyday to the fullest as that’s the basis for relationship. And for those who are probably looking forward to getting hooked up: like someone is wooing you already or you’re attracted to someone, I wish you all the best and very fruitful relationship.

On the first post on this category: RELATIONSHIP101; UNDERSTANDING THE BASIS, I started by establishing the basis of a relationship and at the later end of the post, talked about roles which I promised to share in subsequent post. So here is it!

Roles are certain functions assumed in a relationship which are expected from both parties in that relationship. However, over time, a lot of us have made an identity out of roles. But we must understand that roles are by-products; they spring from understanding the basis for a relationship which is about being at home with your completeness. Roles being by-products mean they are not the actual product because they happened as a result of something. You’re the product and without the role, you are still the person you are. You can’t make an identity out of the role you play in a relationship to the extent that you feel like you’re nothing without that role. Such an attitude towards the roles you play is sometimes the root from which control and insecurity grow from.

There are lots of roles casted by society and our culture which to an extent define a man or woman by the roles they play or can’t play. ‘You must do this and that as a woman and you must do that or this as a man.’’ Boo, don’t define yourself by the roles you play that when she plays it you feel incomplete, threatened as if you are competing. You are way beyond the roles of your manhood. Remember relationship exists to support and inspire growth in each other in all we can be. We can’t truly support and inspire if we are caught up in such peripheral understanding of roles. It is not demeaning when you go out and she pays the bill for the lunch. Bae, don’t say it is his role either ; he ought to do that or do this’’.

The most important ingredient we put in a relationship is not what we do as in the roles we play but what we are. With this in mind, our self image will remain intact outside the roles. Roles can change in a relationship. They are not fixed. View yourself as a team, which means you’re two unique individuals bringing different perspective and strength into the relationship. Have mutual respect for each other, love each other, be all about giving not just getting, be loyal, committed, spend quality time, and support each other. Boo, go all out with your love for her and be creative in how you show it. Threat her like nothing else in the world matters. Blow her mind; inspire her into becoming all she can be, sweep her off her feet, protect her and affirm her. Let everything you do or say be designed to bring out the best in her. Bae, arouse his intellect, be his strength, soothe is soul and let your words ease him when he is stressed and anxious, comfort him, support him, and let the thought of you be a breath of fresh air. When he loses sight of his vision, bring them to his remembrance and make him believe in them again. 

In all let everything be done out of earnest love for each other. Love makes up for practically anything.

Lots of Love!

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