relationship

RELATIONSHIP 103; COMMUNICATION



‘May our mind work together to find mutual understanding, may our word reveal more than it obscures, and may the mind, eyes, tongue be guided by our hearts’’ Anonymous.

Much that goes wrong in relationship lies in poor or no communication level. We must be at home enough with ourselves to talk about anything and be honest enough not to keep some for next time. It is better to communicate than to suppress feelings. We sometimes leave some stuff unsaid on the basis of assumption: ‘He should know what’s on my mind’’. ‘Even if I didn’t tell her, she should’ve know a lot better’’. Hello! He/she isn’t some psyche mind-reader. When things are left unsaid they don’t disappear into thin air, they are stored up in the mind consciously or unconsciously as a time bomb waiting to explode and with time they will. See, un-communicated feelings building up on the inside overtime are often the source of anger and resentment in a relationship.

There are however some people who do much communication and yet don’t communicate at all. Theirs is one that communicates with the intent to have things their way; they play the defensive and dig out the fault of the other person. ‘You did it; you said this or that.’ ‘You were at fault not me.’’ ‘I told you not to, now see.’’ To them, it’s a matter of who is wrong and who is right. That isn’t communication! It is self-consciousness, and nothing kills communication than self-preoccupation. Communication is not about who is right or who is wrong, neither is it about what we say but rather the attitude that lies behind what we say. Our communication should be about joining our hearts together as one rather than tearing apart. We should communicate with the intent to join than to attack (separate).
Communication is the foundation for understanding in a relationship and when communication begins to fade, every other thing follows. To communicate is to commune; to have companionship. In a recent study I did on the Greek word for fellowship, I noticed in some cases, the word fellowship and communication were used interchangeably to buttress the same point. This goes a long way to show that communication is beyond the words that we speak. It is fellowship. It is the binding cord; tying the heart and soul of two into one. This is why the goal of communication should be to connect deeply and bind two hearts together.

Much has been said about understanding in relationships like it’s an end in itself but it isn’t. Understanding springs from communication. If we don’t communicate, we can’t understand each other better. Let me give an instance: If you pick up a book to read without interacting with it during the process, there is no way you’ll understand what the book is talking about. Communication is key! Let’s trust ourselves enough to talk about anything and let’s be gracious enough not to thrive on the weakness of our partners but on their strength and let’s love them enough not to keep records of their wrongs.
 
Lastly, the purpose of communication is to join your hearts and not to separate and like I said, nothing kills communication more than self-consciousness. Nothing much comes from self-preoccupation and pursuing our selfish get-ahead notions. Accept your partner as they are, relate to them from their uniqueness. It doesn’t prohibit them from growing, it fosters it. You don’t do them any good by bashing them. It paralyses them with shame and guilt, and goes a long way to show that you’re not yet complete in yourself.  
Communicate in love despite what happens, seek to join rather than attack and see what wonders it will work.
 
Click the link below to read 101 and 102 if you haven’t read them:

Happy Holiday!
Lots Of Love!
 








About Jemine James

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